Do you like drinking rum?
Do you like drinking… Havana Club? I do, and I got news for ya buddy, in the U.S. you are shit out of luck.
Havana rum, along with all other produce from Cuba, is illegal. Those nice Amurkan folks have banned all trade with Cuba since 1962, in order to – wait for it – foster the growth of democracy in that Communist country.
Do you like art?
Do you especially like art that isn’t very old? I can recommend the NYC Museum of Modern Art.
They have lots of cool stuff. They were showing Andy Warhol’s hilarious eight hour film Empire. They had that piece that won the Turner prize with just A Light Going On And Off. There was a great section on the astonishing CCTV building in China. There was a wonderful exhibition of giant lightboxed photographs by Jeff Wall [see here], which reminded me a lot of Gregory Crewdson. And Duchamp’s stuff was actually pretty good when he was taking a break from the readymade laffs.
I didn’t like Cy Twombly very much though.
Just his name. Twombly.
Do you like getting your way?
Like to order your vodka by name? Like getting your 20-cent burger just the way you like it? Like having everything open 24hrs a day? And self medicating? Do you want to become a shallow, ignorant, mewling, drug-popping baby?
Might there be too much of convenience, and having one’s least whims satisfied? Do you want convenience above all else? At the expense of dignity? The life of least stress? Do you want to float in a permanent bath of serotonin? Do you want to push your race closer to Mike Judge’s Idiocracy?
Amurka is your kind of place.
OK, so I happened to meet some people who needed a slap.
Do you like praying in public?
On the way home, the big white guy with full beard, black suit and big hat got up every couple of hours to make his way to the front of the plane and shuffle up against the partition wall, nodding his head like a damaged child and reciting silently from a tiny book.